U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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