Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
