God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
