he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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