You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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