you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
