Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
