You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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