You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
