I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
