meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
