i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
