In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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