Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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