Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
