Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
