Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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