Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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