Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
