One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
