oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
