I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
