WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
