he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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