haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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