i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
