whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
