I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
