Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
