The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
