I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
