How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
