I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you didnt know i had herpes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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