You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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