He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
