toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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