Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
