The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
