I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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