I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
