Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
