i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
