i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
