Ambien. No doubt about it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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