My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
