He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
