we have officially lost it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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