her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
