but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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