he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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