No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
